Congratulations. Today you join the ranks of filthy fucking hippies who decided to buy one of the most pretentious and irritating instruments in the world instead of seeking medical attention. Kudos to you, sir.
It will all have begun while you were browsing the internet. You’re a 37 year old man who lives off disability checks due to his severe obesity. You also suffer from severe apnea, specifically the kind where your heart stops beating as you sleep, and you’ve been looking for quick fix solution that would allow you to keep getting checks for being profoundly fat.
You’ve been emailing your mother about it a lot lately (she only communicates with you via email because your constant labored breathing makes her uncomfortable over the phone and you can’t travel anywhere because you can’t fit in a car) and Gmail™ will have come up with an ad for you about how didgeridoos cure apnea.
The science of the ad will be, at best, questionable. But after reading a few testimonials from dirty, dirty hippies and some aborigines who thrive on feeding white people false hope you’ll be sold.
Five to seven business days later they’ll be gone with over two hundred of your American dollars, but you’ll have the didgeridoo and a false sense of hope that at long last you’ll be able to sleep without worrying about heart failure.
You’ll die in around half a month from massive coronary failure while awake.
But hey, congratulations on purchasing a didgeridoo to assist with your health problems. You fucking rube.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment