Congratulations on Experimenting with Dungeons and Dragons and Gay Sex on the Same Night!

For the longest time you’ve wanted to play a game of Dungeons and Dragons, but you’ve never known how to break into it. You’d spend time on Craigslist, but all the people you contacted were just women who wanted to fuck you. At first it was puzzling, then it just became creepy.

But all that changed when you moved to Seattle. Within about fifteen minutes of getting off your train you were confronted by a 15 year old boy from Taiwan who asked if you needed a live in DM. You didn’t know what you he meant, and sent him away holding his ragged shoes in his hands. But a few CL browses later you realized you’d stumbled upon the underground Dungeons and Dragons/Sex trade of Seattle.

Seattle is famed for its nerd credibility, but a good deal less famous for its seedy nerd sex trade underbelly. But you’ll find yourself up to your walnuts in this twisted hellscape soon enough when you find yourself surrounded by young boys when you just wanted to try an episode of collective storytelling as a minotaur named Marty who was from the future.

It’ll be disheartening, but you’ll finally find a game that doesn’t have a sexualized component after months of searching. It will be with three other men and one woman. All of them will be over 30 and make six figures a year, and none of them will be there for any other reason than to play Dungeons and Dragons.

Which is why it will come as such a shock when you and Kevin, the Dwarven cleric leading your party, accidentally touch hands reaching for some dice, Your eyes will meet soon after and you’ll find yourselves taking a quick “bathroom break” together that will culminate in your first sexual episode.

We’re really not going anywhere with this story, we just thought you’d want a heads up. You might want to make something out of it with Kevin, you might not. It’s your life. But you should probably pack some condoms and a little lube, just for safety’s sake. It never hurt anybody, right?

Oh, and congratulations on experimenting with Dungeons and Dragons and gay sex on the same night. That one time at summer camp really didn’t count, so this is going to be your first time.