It’s wacky tacky tie Thursday at your office. You’ve gone through nearly your entire tacky tie wardrobe, donning aquarium ties, cow pattern ties, even ties filled with the faces of presidents. Today, however, you will don the last of your collection, a keyboard tie (a gift from your mother –in-law circa 1990 for your birthday. She hates you). As you adjust the tie in the mirror you’ll run your fingers along the keys as if you were a musician (you’re not) in a gesture you find hilarious (you think you’re the office cutup, but people really just wish you would die). You’ll be shocked when music emerges from your gaudy cravate. Stunned, you press key after key. Each time you are greeted with a perfect note eminating from the tie. You immediately grasp the gravity of this discovery. Surely this power was given to you so that you could somehow improve the world.
As you sit in your tiny cubicle matching up accounting figures you will formulate a plan which involves making keyboard music in order to frighten drug dealers who are easily scared. Eventually, you’ll concoct a costume and dub yourself “Phantom of the Rock Opera,” a hero who attempts to frighten criminals with pieces from the hit Who opera, Tommy. After foiling some easily spooked drug dealers (they smoked their own substandard product, and thought you were the government coming to steal their teeth). You’ll be overjoyed at your success, and will continue to formulate and execute such ill-founded plots. Of course, this will set in to motion a series of events which culminate in your being shot to death by meth addicts outside of a warehouse in Tahoe.
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