Congratulations on Escaping Your Failing Company!

After your CEO parachuted dramatically out of your offices yesterday you knew what was coming. Integrated Dynamic Business Life Solutions was going to collapse. And, having seen many other companies torn apart after their services were outsourced, you knew how it was going to go. You didn’t want that for yourself, so this morning, after you wake up from your night of binge drinking underneath the boardroom table where so many companies have had their futures broken, you’re going to enact your escape plan.

The corporate death squads will already be wandering from cubicle to cubicle, shooting staff in the chest and head and then leaving them for dead, but since they’re corporate death squads they’re not very well run and generally the people in them aren’t the brightest, so you’ll just lay there perfectly still until they pass.

Then, come nightfall, you’ll steal as many laptops as you can carry from the ruins of the office, reaching over corpses to get them. Then you’ll creep out the front door and begin the process you swore you’d enact should the company ever fall: tracking down and killing the former CEO with your bare hands.

Step one will involve selling all those corporate laptops to generate capital, so make sure none of them have password protection enable still and then get started! We’ll follow up with you later to let you know how the manhunt is going.

Congratulations on Escaping Your Failing Company!