Congratulations Mouse Train Conductor!

You’re a mouse who conducts a tiny train. You already know this, we’re telling our readers what’s up, because they might be a little confused. So here’s the deal, READERS:

Mice have trains that run through your walls. That’s what all that scuttling is about. Usually these trains run between key locations, like from the kitchen to the Mousehome, the giant hollowed out collective home that mice have in the center of each and every home they inhabit. Sometimes they stop at the bathroom so mice can get small amounts of toothpaste and watch naked people while they’re wet and soapy (fun fact: mice are almost all perverts). Wherever they go and whatever they do there, they have to get there via the mouse train, and you’re the mouse who drives it.

This means you wear a tiny, adorable conductor’s hat. Sometimes it falls over your eyes and it’s even more adorable. Occasionally you squeak orders at coal-stained mice who stoke your engine. You act imperious to them, but you’re really buddies who hang out later at the mouse-bar, so it’s all still quite adorable.

But that’s all just background for the neophytes. What’s really important is what’s going down today.

Today your train is going to be assaulted by cat-bandits. They’ll have found their way into the wall and, despite being horrified, their instincts towards mindless cruelty will have remained intact. They’ll hiss and strike at you with their claws, trying to rake mice off the train.

But as a stalwart mouse conductor you won’t be perturbed. Instead you’ll simply load your mouse-kett (so cute!) and fire it, point blank, into a cat’s eye, blinding it and giving your train the time it needs to reach the Mousehome. Once you get there you’ll spread word of the approaching threat and rally a small army to combat it. You’ll be celebrated as a hero, and tomorrow you’ll be a mouse-conductor no more, but for now we’d just like to say Congratulations Mouse Train Conductor!