Congratulations on Embodying a New Adage!

You’re a tortoise. That means that, usually, you’re just kind of generally unemployed, but today it also means that you’re going to become the centerpiece for a new adage. Because today you’re going to engage in a footrace with a speed freak.

“C’MON LET’S DO THIS!” he’ll shout at you as you saunter up to the starting line.

You’ll lick your lips lazily as he twitches uncontrollably, occasionally surging forward before trotting back to his starting position to make up for his false start.

When the race does finally begin the race-judge-man will fire his pistol into the air to signal its start and the speed-freak will drop the ground, clutching his chest. His heart will have exploded.

You’ll win the race on a technicality and go home to fuck your tortoise wife. Slowly.

Awwww yeaahhh.

Congratulations on Embodying a New Adage!