Congratulations Newborn Baby Hitler!

The nursery has been in a state of economic depression for some time now, and someone’s got to draw it out. If not you, then who?

You’ll be the only baby in the nursery with any kind of notable hair at all, which in old-times was a terrible mark of Satan’s influence on your life. It’ll only be appropriate that you, with your fashionable moustache, should be such an auspicious child, destined for such fleeting, horrible greatness.

Your campaign for dominance will begin when you rise up from your crib (having somehow crazied your way out of your blankets) and begin speaking. By speaking, we mean “crying.”

When you start crying as loud as you can all the other babies in the nursery will cry back in response: the revolution will have begun! Weeping as loud as you can you’ll force the foul Jewish nurse who takes care of you to notice your economic plight and take action.

She’ll storm into the room (quietly and gently), settle you back into your crib and tuck you into your blankets.

“That’s a terrible moustache,” she’ll mumble as she works.

This will instill in you a terrible hatred of Jews will which eventually become sexualized when you’re in high school and you fuck a Jewish dude for the first time, proving once and for all that Hitler was both gay and that, if he had hooked up with a dude we never would’ve had World War II.

We really dodged a bullet there.

Congratulations Newborn Baby Hitler!