Thanks to you we now have new ways to define failure and fault in relationships. There are a lot of them (your wife was Catholic and she put up with way too much) so we’re going to list a few of the more work-safe items from your docket in bullet points.
- Repeated and creative abuse of animals, both sexually and platonically
- Excessive use of air horn in bedroom
- Refusal to stop talking about Elijah Wood
- Gross overuse of the term “spunk”
- Wolverines (self-explanatory)
- Insistence on role playing scenes from the film Red Dawn without clear character boundaries
- Felony arson
- Severely unpleasant odor wafting from your genitals
- You slept with her sister
They’re not all completely new, but you definitely set new ground in all of them. Now get out there and hit the clubs again. Here’s a pick-up line you can use:
“Hey. Ever do it with a court precedent?”
Its not very good, but you’re a terrible husband and a sub-par lover so you don’t really deserve any tail.
And congratulations on becoming a benchmark of what it means to fail. It will be your single greatest contribution to society.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment