Sorry, this one is a little late. We were going to release it back in October, but then Toby in accounting got super wasted and we had to spend a few months dealing with his “problems.” But now we’re finally done with that (Toby isn’t better, he just died because he hung himself while masturbating) and ready to offer up this very special Sexy Results Forecast.
Everyone who isn’t named Barack Obama, please disregard the following.
Is that all of them? Good. Come here. Sit down.
Coffee? Tea? Scone? They’re some sort of berry.
So, let’s get to the point. On November 4th, 2008, you’re going to be elected to the office of President of the United States. You’ll be the first African American citizen elected to this office in the history of the nation. You will, however, continue a lengthy tradition dating back to Taft of presidents without facial hair. Win some lose some, right?
Wait, what? You already knew? Oh. Oh, okay. I see how it is. No, you’re very busy.
That’s alright. Well, congratulations anyhow. Its a big historical event, you know? Oh, and watch your back. There are a lot of crazy rednecks in this country, and we’d hate to lose you.
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