Congratulations Spanx Marketeer!

You market Spanx, the underwear that women over 40 and men who care about how they look wear all the time and today you’re gonna fuggin’ kill it.

You’re going to buy ad time during This American Life through an unprecedented handshake agreement with the Public Broadcast Service (it’ll be considered a “donation” but it’ll come with five minutes of straight discussion about how great Spanx are). It’ll hit every single target demo you want and it’ll be a fucking steal, since PBS doesn’t actually know how much advertising costs.

After hearing all those insufferable douchebags liberals, fags, queens and dykes, along with conservatives who are ashamed of how liberal they feel deep down inside, will flock to stores and the internet in droves to try and get the fancy underwear your bosses want to sell so desperately.

It’ll be a huge success and Spanx sales will never be higher. Ever again. Which will fall upon your shoulders in a few months, when, under concerns of brand stagnation, the Spanx board of directors will fire you for failing to sustain the growth trend you were hired to generate.

You win some and you lose some, we guess.

Congratulations Spanx Marketeer!