Congratulations on Over-Quoting the Hangover!

Everyone enjoys a good comedy movie, and particularly good ones tend to be particularly quotable. It’s only natural that Anchorman should have its lines repeated ad nausaeum throughout society: it’s a fucking work of genius constructed by a brilliant, troubled mad-man (Adam McKay).

Of course, there’s only so much time that can be spent quoting these master works of comedy before they decay. The best of them have all fallen with time. Even Wayne’s World 2 had to end its run as the most quotable of subject matter back in 2004.

More recent comedies, shoddier comedies, aren’t quite so great. Foremost among them: The Hangover.

In fact, the Hangover is so bad that it lost its quote cache within a month and a half of its release. People said “wolf pack of one” so many times, and then said something that Ken Jeong’s nude character said again and again and again until all of the film lost meaning.

But you live in a hole in the ground (Munsey, Indiana) and you had no idea this had passed. So today when you rent The Hangover from your local video store, you’re going to have no idea what you’re in for. But, having spent your whole life in Munsey, the big city antics of the characters in The Hangover will delight you. You’ll chortle and clap your hands in glee at each nut-shot and misstep. And when the movie is done you’ll turn to your wife and tell her:

“I’m glad I’m not part of a wolf pack of one!”

She’ll start laughing and laughing and laughing. She’ll keep right on laughing until the door explodes inwards off its hinges and a group of armed men storm into your living room. They’ll fire a net at you and shoot your wife in the neck with a dart and then drag you both away to a containment area where people who quote the Hangover go.

You’ll be locked in a cell with someone’s idiot roommate and a fat guy who wears nothing but heavy metal tees and constantly says racist shit. You’ll be forced to watch the Hangover four times a day with your cohorts. Your wife, though you won’t see her anymore, will be subjected to identical treatment.

It’ll be intended as punishment, but you’ll feel, for the very first time, like you’ve come home. Each viewing of the Hangover will uncover for your deep layers of meaning, and while in prison you’ll learn a lot about yourself, your feelings, and Ken Jeong’s penis. It’ll be a personal renaissance for you.

Congratulations on Over-Quoting the Hangover!