Congratulations on Using Your Hand-Mirror to Save Everyone in the Mine Shaft!

You know how McGuyver sometimes used common household items to solve big problems? Today you’re going to do that. Sort of. When the mine shaft collapses, people are going to freak out. Hardcore. They’ll be running around, trying to figure out who’s going to be eaten first, determining whether or not there’s any air flowing into the tiny pocket of rock that has become your home.

Everyone but you. You’ll just be standing there, smirking at yourself, holding your hand mirror. Your mine-buddies will have made fun of you for carrying that around for years, almost a whole decade, but you never listened to them. You never listened to them because you knew the truth behind the mirror, that it was far, far more than a simple vanity. That it was, in fact, the prison for a powerful djinn.

So while your co-miners are screaming at one another, brandishing pickaxes and trying to figure out who’s gonna die first, you’ll open the mirror, shine your headlamp into it and calmly say “I’d like to make a wish please.”

A flash of light will ensue, a torrent of energy coursing forth from the mirror. The light and energy will coalesce, converge and form into a shape vaguely reminiscent of a man without legs, his torso fading into a vague drift of energy tapering towards the ground. The apparition’s skin will take on an almost un-nameable color, simultaneously orange and yellow and pure pale blue. Its eyes will be white, beaming out towards the universe, filling the cave with ethereal light.

“YOU HAVE SUMMONED THE DJINN OF MANNERS LITTLE FLESHLING. SPEAK YOUR WILL POLITELY.”

Your co-miners will stop running around and stare at the giant creature of light in front of them. Their chattering will fall to silence, and the only sound in the cave will be that of their pick-axes hitting the ground.

“I’d very much appreciate it if you saved me and my douchebag co-workers from this cave-in,” you’ll tell the djinn.

The djinn, ever thorough, will smile at you. “WOULD YOU ALSO LIKE VERY MUCH TO SAVE THE NON-DOUCHEBAG CO-WORKERS IN THIS CAVE-IN?”

You’ll smile and nod back at him. “I’d love it, old friend.”

He’ll laugh a belly laugh and teleport you and all of your co-miners out of the mine and into a giant field filled with Cadbury Cream Eggs.

“SEE YOU NEXT TIME,” the djinn will say as his body fades back towards the mirror. You’ll wave at him, smiling, as your co-workers stare at you.

“It’s been a pleasure as always,” you’ll whisper into the mirror as you snap it closed.

“Why did you wish for a job as something other than a miner?” your non-douchebag co-worker will ask. You’ll smile and shake your head at him, largely because your severe brain trauma, which you could also wish away, will prevent you from forming a coherent answer.

Congratulations on Using Your Hand-Mirror to Save Everyone in the Mine Shaft!