Congratulations Science Fiction Porter!

You know how awesome everything is in science fiction stories? How the world is new and interesting and fun and even being poor or hungry is kind of cool because of how great the future is? Well turns out it’s all bullshit. You’ll find this out today when you’re catapulted into the future, into a world where travel between worlds is not only a reality, but a mundane reality that people deal with grudgingly. Like train travel in the sixties.

In keeping with this tradition you, as a “Pastie,” an underclass consisting entirely of people from the past violently cast forward into the future without any means of returning to their original timeline, will have trouble finding a job. In fact the only job you’ll be capable of holding down will be as a porter, packing bags that robots are too weak to lift (we still haven’t got that shit down in this future) into baggage compartments on spaceships.

You’ll go through some minor bullshit at work which, in the future of your future, will be upheld as a momentous stand taken to insure the rights of all pasties, who will constantly be flooding the future with their filthy past values. But for the most part you’ll just lift bags, marry another woman from the past who was catapulted forward in time just a few years before you. You’ll live a simple space-life, and you’ll more or less enjoy your work. It’ll be way more enriching and helpful to others than working as an investment banker until your investment banking partner threw you into a time portal so that he could utilize a contractual loophole to steal all your shares of the stock the two of you bought together.

All things considered, it’ll be a pretty great space adventure, complete with romance, minor civil rights protests and a little bit of intrigue (when you beat your investment banking partner only remaining relative’s head in with a shovel).

Congratulations Science Fiction Porter!