Congratulations Adult Phantom Tollbooth Lover!

If you’re an adult and you love The Phantom Tollbooth, there’s nothing wrong with you. Far from it, you’re totally normal. But if you’re an adult and you talk about loving The Phantom Tollbooth all the time, you’re kinda weird.

It’s not that the book doesn’t warrant sustained thought, or that we’re not thinking about it right now. That shit is hot, and it stays with you for a lifetime.

It’s just that adults are supposed to suppress their feelings all the time, especially with regards to literature. If you like a work of literature you’re supposed to be either kind of catty and high handed about it, or to shut up and read it three or four times a year in accordance with the rules of hermitry outlined by J.D. Salinger in the mid-ninties.

It’s not the right way for the world to be, though, and you know it. Which is why today it’s going to be such a relief when your daughter turns seven, and is finally old enough to read and begin to discuss The Phantom Tollbooth.

You’ll give her a copy of the book, wrapped in a ribbon, for her birthday, today. Then you’ll wait for her to talk to you about it. You won’t want to chance ruining a single part of that incredible book for her.

When she comes out of her room, dazed a few days later, wiping tears and sleeplessness from her eyes, she’ll look up at you with wonderment.

“Was any of it real, daddy?” she’ll yawn.

You’ll smile back down at her.

“That’s a very good question.”

What follows will be one of the most enriching conversations of your life, adult or otherwise. It’ll be spectacular.

Congratulations Adult Phantom Tollbooth Lover!