Congratulations Girl with the Hebrew Tattoo!

Much has been made of late of ladies with various dangerous looking tattoos. But you know what? No one talks about the ladies, the Jews, with ink and knives and leather jackets and Mac Books running all kinds of Linuxes who discover secret Nazis and save intrepid, kinda creepy older reporters who are trying to do good in the world. Ladies like you.

You’re not that lady now, though. Right now you’re just a junior at Swarthmore College, studying English with a concentration in creative writing. You’re just another girl who gets super drunk and then talks about changing the world but hasn’t the foggiest idea just how to do so. Today you’re going to take your first step away from that world of college hedonism and into something bigger: a world of sexy hacking and crime fighting.

Because today, after a lengthy debate with your roommate/primary partner Julia, you’re going to decide to get your first tattoo. It’ll be a small, innocuous Hebrew phrase printed in flowing, beautiful script on the inside of your right arm. It will translate, approximately, to “above all else: seek truth.”

No one will understand it, not in your college and certainly not in the general population. Some rabbis will know what it means offhand, but they’ll be the exception to the rule by a mile. For the most part it’ll just confuse people, which won’t be that big a deal until the tattoo becomes your calling card during your reign as an internationally famous sexy crime fighter. Then a bunch of internet rumors will claim it means stuff like “slut” and “whore” and other unfortunate and unhelpful things. This will usher in a new era of crime fighting where you’ll battle one of the lamest and most pointless of crimes: cyberbullying.

Godspeed, Girl with the Hebrew Tattoo. We want you in our mouths!

Congratulations Girl with the Hebrew Tattoo!