Congratulations Classy Dope Fiend!

Rising from the subway, you’ll straighten your tie as you move up the stairs two at a time. Your pants, somewhat wrinkled, will fall upon your body gloriously. Your suit jacket, despite its lack of buttons, will be breathtaking: each step you take will make it billow and fall like a cape.

When you reach the top of the stairs you’ll crack your neck and smile up at the sky. It’ll be one of those beautiful, beautiful days that emerge unexpectedly in Boston, days that make life worth living. You’ll smile at all the people around you, taking them in. Then, after spotting someone who looks like they could be intimidated into giving you money, you’ll charge towards them, chewing your bottom lip as you walk uncomfortably quickly towards them.

It’ll be a middle aged woman in a suit, clutching her purse, looking around like she’s lost.

“Got any change?” you’ll ask. She’ll shake her head and you’ll grab her arm. “You sure?” you’ll ask her again, looking deep into her eyes with your piercing baby blues. She’ll shake her head again, this time reaching into her purse. You’ll put your hand on hers and flash that surprisingly white smile of yours at her. Her unease will melt away in a heartbeat as she loses herself in your eyes.

Flash forward fifteen minutes, you’ll be having missionary position sex on top of her bedroom dresser while she silently gasps into your throat. When you’re finished she’ll be exhausted and you, once you’re sure she’s too zoned out to notice it, will steal everything in her apartment that you can carry, taking it to a pawn shop your “friend” Alfie owns, where you’ll pawn it in exchange for some heroin, which you absolutely love.

Congratulations Classy Dope Fiend!