Congratulations on Wasting a Day!

Today you’re going to wake up and think about going out and buying a bunch of home organizing shit at Target. You’ll think really hard about rolling over, getting your keys from the nightstand and sitting up. Then you’d have to put on some real clothes, which would involve putting the keys back down, removing your pajamas, realizing how bad you smell, taking a shower, then opening your closet and removing an outfit. After the outfit is removed you’ll still have to figure out how to get those clothes on your body, which will involve a staggering array of buckles, holes and buttons. There might even be a zipper or two involved with the process, just to add a little bit of extra “fuck you” to the whole affair.

After that you’d have to drive to Target, which would involve walking to your car (UGH), starting it, and manipulating the various levers and wheels inside it to get you to your destination. Then after you arrive there you’ll have to find a parking space, get out of your car, shamble into the horrible pocket plane that is Target and then navigate its various awful tribulations in a fashion that allows you to get what you need.

Then you’ll have to get into an extremely long line, hop from foot to foot as you wait, drop the thing you wanted to buy, bend over and pick it up, get cussed out by the lady behind you for showing your butt to the world, then figure out how to pay the Target cashier, who will refuse to speak loud enough or in a cadence recognizable as English even. After all that you’ll still have to carry all the home organizing supplies back to your car, load them, repeat the driving process to get back to your house, and then unload your car, drag all that shit to your house WITHOUT THE AID OF THE CART YOU USED AT TARGET and then actually unpack it and use it to “organize your life.”

Fuck that!

After thinking of all that you’re gonna roll over, put your hand between your legs and rub yourself lazily until you fall asleep without cumming. You’ll dream of someone who you used to see a long time ago, someone who made you really happy and broke your heart, but did it so far back that all you can remember now is that warm feeling in the pit of your belly whenever you imagine them naked.

Congratulations on Wasting a Day!