Congratulations on Re-Interpreting the Dead Sea Scrolls!

Plenty of people have looked at the Dead Sea Scrolls and come up with all sorts of batshit crazy ideas. Jerry who works in HR told us that his uncle looked at a photo of a guy looking at them once and that it “turned him gay,” and Jerry believed him, which just goes to show that even thrice removed they have the power to make someone an idiot.

But tomorrow you’re going to get a chance to look at the Dead Sea Scrolls directly, in person, in your filthy little hands. And unlike most people, who lose their fucking minds because they speak Sanscrit or some shit and as a result can comprehend the wisdom of the scrolls, you’ll be cushioned by a nice big old layer of ignorance, and the scrolls won’t have any effect on you.

This means you’ll get a chance to turn the scroll over and find a totally sweet Pink Floyd album poster on the back. It’ll be a bunch of naked chicks with various Floyd cover art painted on their tits, and it’ll be totally sweet. It’ll also constitute proof positive of the aura of pseudo-mysticism which Floyd has been surrounding itself with since its inception. Apparently they weren’t just dickheads: they were spiritual representatives of a higher power, or at the very least an older power.

You won’t do anything with that, lucky for everyone involved (knowledge of the true nature of Floyd could potentially shatter the earth) but you will make a poster using the art you find on the back of the Dead Sea Scrolls which will, we all agree, look pretty fucking sweet and will finally give you the capital you need to move out of your parent’s basement and start that surf shop you constantly blather about at parties.

Congratulations on Re-Interpreting the Dead Sea Scrolls!