Congratulations on Locating the Device Those Aliens Implanted In Your Wife!

It made for a pretty good sex game these last few years: find the alien tracking device implanted inside your wife. It let you explore a lot of things you might have engaged with if you didn’t have a good excuse to try them: nasal, anal and aural all had their rightful place in your sexcapades as long as you were looking for that device.

You even worked in blood play (what if it’s in her blood?), breath play (lungs!) and something called kidney play (interstitial redacted). But none of these fetishes really bore fruit. You started talking to doctors (real ones) and sexperts (not real doctors) to come up with new ways to explore your wife’s body, hoping to discover the tracking device that those aliens use to find her, even when you’re fucking in the woods, and take unfortunate pictures of her while the two of you are boning.

Today you’re going to find it, and boy are you ever going to be embarrassed.

You’ll be fucking your wife doggy style for the first time since the abduction four years ago and, in the throes of passion, you’ll slap her ass good and hard. As your palm impacts her buttock you’ll make a strong, hard sound, and you’ll feel something, something unfamiliar. You’ll give her another slap just to be sure and there it will be again: something small, rigid, immobile and hard. You’ll stop moving inside her mid thrust and rest your hand on the mass, puzzling over it for a moment.

“Honey,” you’ll say. “I think I found it.”

The two of you will cease your erotic intermission, disentangle yourselves from one another, put on clothes and head to the doctor’s office. Once there a CAT scan will reveal an object unlike anything the radiologist has ever seen. We wish we could tell you that this would be the end of your weird sex times and alien related troubles, but really this will just spark a heated chase that will lead to some really dark stuff going down between you, your wife, your radiologist and a young, impressionable lady FBI agent with really nice hair and skin. We suggest you make the best of it.

Congratulations on Locating the Device Those Aliens Implanted In Your Wife!