Congratulations on Teaching Yourself to Fly!

While you’re enduring month four of your ongoing coma (which, spoiler alert, will end around month ten) you’re going to hit a key moment in the insanely interesting journey through your own mind that you’ve been having while you list horribly in that bed that has become your home: you’re going to drop acid within the fantasy world that you’ve created and, in that instant, learn to fly.

While soaring through the air in your coma-drug-trip you’ll see a fantastic world of your own creation rushing by beneath you, a world filled with wonder and grace and more than a little bit of magic. You’ll also, briefly, have a heart attack, which will freak out your attending physician and, if you were a more articulate person, would probably be the subject of study after you woke up in a few months.

But as it stands it’ll just be an ordinary day with a minor hiccough in the hospital where you rest, and your amazing mind adventure will continue for another six months. Over the course of these months way more interesting stuff will happen, stuff that will totally change the way you see the world. But the only thing you’ll really be able to describe when you get out will be “that time I went flying.”

We hope you take this into consideration and stop smoking quite so much weed. It put you in a coma, and it makes you insufferable.

Congratulations on Teaching Yourself to Fly!