Congratulations on Fixing the World Economy!

You’re a crazy, tiny troll of a man who we love none the less, and you’re going to make your mark on history today when finally, after years of shouting “Goooooooold” at the top of your lungs hoping that someone will listen to you, someone’s finally gonna do it. And it’ll just happen to be a wealthy tycoon who, shockingly enough, will have sacks upon sacks of gold to throw at the perceived problem of the fiscal world at large.

Turns out that once he throws gold at the idea of the global economy everything will be, as you’ve recommended will occur, be instantly fixed. Which is good, because we’re running out of money and we could really use jobs all around. So thanks for that, and don’t take your inevitable departure from the Republican presidential ticket too harshly!

Congratulations on Fixing the World Economy!