Congratulations on Discovering the Greatest Granola Bar Ever!

Today, during what you first thought would be just an ordinary museum heist, you’re going to discover – drum roll please – a special exhibit dedicated to granola bars.

Most of the exhibit will be given over to the history of the granola bar, resplendent with dioramas of how the ancient Sumerians crafted granola bars in their ziggurats and would give them to slaves so that they could have convenient high energy snacks with low to no fuss while they toiled themselves to death doing whatever it is that the Sumerians made their slaves do. Other dioramas will comment on the function of granola bars during the American revolution, during the Great Depression and during World War II. Another granola diorama will ask the question “DID THE DINOSAURS EAT GRANOLA BARS?!” inconclusively.

Most of these dioramas will be, as dioramas tend towards, extremely boring. But one of them will stand out. It’ll be at the back of the room, surrounded by red velvet ropes and a glass case. It’ll have a small, tasteful gold plaque below it, reading: “THE WORLD’S MOST DELICIOUS GRANOLA BAR.”

You’ll scoff at the exhibit and consider running off to find some paintings or something, but that plaque will bring you back. You’ll get out your museum-glass-case-opening-kit and crack the glass case containing the granola bar right out. Then you’ll taste it, just to see how it measures up to Nature Valley.

It’ll destroy your taste buds. In an instant you’ll learn what true deliciousness is. Your jaw will unhinge, and you’ll want more than anything else in the world to eat another bite of that sweet, sweet granola. Lucky for you the wrapper, upon examination, will be a map that details the location of an ancient ruin in the Yucatan Peninsula. This ruin will be labeled:

GRANOLA PARADISE

Pack your bags, son! You’re goin’ to the Yucatan tomorrow!

Congratulations on Discovering the Greatest Granola Bar Ever!