Congratulations on Siphoning Gas Off Her Tank!

It’s a story as old as time: boy meets girl, boy has no idea how to approach girl so boy siphons off some gas from girl’s tank as an icebreaker. But there’s a twist to this. The awesome office hottie, in this case? Isn’t so defenseless. She’s the krav maga instructor who teaches classes for you and your cube-mates to learn to punch properly. And instead of you siphoning gas off of her tank and then showing up to save your ass, you’re going to be such a wreck around her that, after a week of nerves kept you from gassing up your car (which always makes you think of her) your car will just plum refuse to start as a by-product of being totally out of gas.

Lucky for you she’ll be there, your knight in a thick white tank top and breathable pants, with her muscular hands and sharp, embittered eyes.

“Car trouble?” she’ll mumble at you. You’ll nod back at her, still too frightened to speak.

“I can help with that,” she’ll purr before taking out a length of tubing and then slipping it into her engine. Then she’ll start the siphon into a gas can she keeps in the back of her car for just such an occasion . Then, as the gas can fills up she’ll look at you like a cat eying an especially interesting mouse.

After about five minutes of awkward silence she’ll walk up, run her hand through your hair and murmur into your ear.

“Man of few words?” You’ll nod in response. “I like that.”

She’ll punctuate the sentence with a kiss, dragging your face into hers and mashing her lips all over you until you’re not sure which was is up. You’ll just know how much you like making out with her, and how glad you are that you’re totally inept at life.

She’ll be glad that she finally met a guy she can physically intimidate, since her last three boyfriends have been hyper-aggressive dicks she met in krav maga class. She knows you won’t have the courage, acumen or desire to cheat on her any time soon. She also likes being in control in the bedroom and, based on your kissing technique, she knows she won’t have any trouble with you there.

She’ll give you a break, only for a moment, away from her lips to check on the gas can as it fills up.

“Thanks,” you’ll murmur to her and she’ll smile.

“We’re not done yet,” she’ll whisper into your ear before she gives it a nibble and occupies your mouth anew with her tongue.

Congratulations on Siphoning Gas Off Her Tank!