Congratulations on Building a Robot Capable of Being Convicted of Sexual Harassment!

The culmination of years of effort, nearly a decade, will arrive today. You’ll flip a switch, grimace as electricity arcs wildly about and then cackle as the robot roars to life and stumbles off of the platform upon which it was constructed.

“IT LIVES!” you’ll shout for copyright reasons.

The robot will shudder to life and step inch by menacing inch towards you and your assistant. It’ll be clear what’s going on: it’s learning, learning who you are and who your assistant is, and what it should do to appropriate react to each of you.

Halfway across the room the shamble will turn to a rush and the robot will careen towards you and your assistant. It’ll be unclear just what he’s doing until the last moment, when he pushes you out of the way with two of his cold metal arms and grabs your assistant in his pincers. He’ll begin vibrating steadily as he presses her body uncomfortably against his own and pinches, with his claws, her breasts and ass as configuration allows.

“HEY BABY,” he’ll drone in a monotone voice. “COME HOME WITH ME.”

“Inappropriate!” your assistant will scream as she wriggles against the robot, trying to escape its advances. She’ll start kicking and biting after around a minute of non-stop pinching, at which point the robot will give her butt one last squeeze and then drone at her.

“TEASE,” it’ll say before turning to you and winking with one of its brilliant red eyes. “WOMEN, RIGHT?”

You’ll shrug and laugh nervously in response, and the robot will do the same, laughing, making a sound that resembles a saw attempting to, and failing to, cut metal. You’ll make some marks on a chart and nod to your assistant, who will be rubbing her sore secondary sex characteristics.

“I think we’ve done it,” you’ll whisper to her after the robot distracts itself from the two of you, fiercely rubbing the part of its body where, were it a person, its groin would be.

Congratulations on Building a Robot Capable of Being Convicted of Sexual Harassment!