Congratulations to You and Your Island Lover!

You met Javier five years ago in Barbados. The two of you were both young men in unsatisfying marriages, vacationing with your bored spouses in an effort to stave off inevitable, soul crushing depression.

You were an investment banker, he a commercial fisherman. He was the embodiment of competence and confidence, you the personification of overpaid ineptitude. After a few pitchers one night the two of you went for a walk together and the rest, as they say, is history.

Since then both you and Javier have left your wives, although neither of have openly announced your homosexuality. You’ve still been playing as hard as you work on Wall Street, occasionally taking a lover from the ranks of your underlings.

They usually find you revolting and only stomach your affection in order to advance in the firm either through your attentions or by using your gayness to blackmail you. In truth, Javier is the only man you’ve ever felt completely comfortable with.

He’s become much more successful, by the way, and now runs a small fishing fleet. He’s still sure to go out with the boats at least a handful of times each year so that he can spend time in the sea’s embrace, but for the most part he simply manages finances and cooks his simple meals.

The only real joy either of you have had in your lives have been the two-week long trysts you’ve forced yourselves to take each summer. You don’t talk to each other about it much, usually just an email or two to double check that you’ll both be there or to make sure you’re at the same hotel. Still, on a day to day basis the two of you think of little else.

Which is why this last year has been so hard for you. Since the recession you’ve been struggling. With no practical skills you’ve been forced to live off your savings for a while now, and when the time for you to meet rolls around you’ll have a tough decision to make.

You won’t have the money to both pay your rent for that month and fly down to Barbados. You don’t want to abandon your life here, but when you think about it there really isn’t much aside from watching Obama do his thing that really makes you happy here. On the other hand you don’t want to put upon Javier or make him feel like he’s a backup plan for your life, but that’s exactly how you feel right now.

So you’ve got two choices: spend the money on your rent or fly to Javier and tell him that you want to be with him forever. This is kind of a no-brainer.

Tell your friends you’re gay. They all already know, but it’ll make them happy that you’ve come to terms with it and it’ll put the whole thing in context. Then step on that plane and haul ass down to Barbados. Javier’s waiting, and he’s ready to teach you all about the fishing biz.

The two of you are going to be really happy. Your lives are going to be a lot like a much gayer end to The Shawshank Redemption. So congratulations to you and island lover. We’ll all be sure to come and visit you on your villa populated exclusively by super, super gay animals.