Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Congratulations on Winning at Croquet!

Today your father is going to be killed in a drive by shooting in East L.A.. You’ll be playing croquet on his undersized lawn and, until recently, you’ll have been losing.

All of this will change when a small gang of H-dealers he owed money to pull up and fire seven hollow tip nine millimeter bullets into his torso.

You’ll fall to the ground and wrap your arms around him and scream why to the sky.

The answer to this question is obvious. Your father was a terrible person who peddled horrible, addictive substances to the downtrodden. He also overcharged for an inferior product and used unsavory business practices. You just have trouble seeing these facts because he’s your dad and you love him.

Also, you must know this on some subconscious level, because if you’d actually called 9-1-1 instead of having your dramatic moment your dad would be alive right now, so you kinda killed him. On the upside, you are now by default the winner of the yard sport you were engaged in.

Congratulations on winning at croquet. Services will be held at St. Mary’s in two weeks.

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