Congratulations to Our New Masters!

Early next week the earth is going to be taken over by hideous, many limbed monsters from a distant star. They will come without warning, kill billions and enslave those who remain so that we can toil in their Phunk mines.

That’s right, it turns out Phunk, a misspelling of the music genre, is a precious resource to some. And these aliens, after hearing a George Clinton record somewhere, decided to invade so they could get their hands on some more.

So half of the office would like to announce that they’re forming the roots of a revolution early, so as to be able to get started rebelling as soon as possible. The other half would like to remind our new masters that many humans are useful, and that perhaps they could be valuable assets if only they were given a chance.

But just in case, and because we aren’t a bunch of fucking snitches, the entire office would like to come together today and offer our most sincere congratulations to our new masters. We wish our military had spent more time employing strategists and less time trying to place lasers in orbit.