Congratulations Jockey!

Today, and today only the entirety of man will be transported into the body of an aspiring jockey.

In this young man we will find ourselves experiencing the insecurity of an aspiring professional athlete who is constantly fretting over his weight, appearance, and performance and feels constant inadequacies because he has not “made it” yet.

Simultaneously we will feel the sense of isolation that comes with being fundamentally different. Because of his size and build our jockey (who is today, ironically, our mount, in both the loa and horse-riding senses) has always had trouble with women, fitting in at a young age, and reaching high objects.

This size is partially responsible for his insecurity and constant aspiration towards success. There is far, far more to it, however, and you will be graded based on how well you can both perceive and explain his internal struggle.

Teams of four or fewer may combine their efforts, since this is basically a team building exercise for the world, but everyone here in the office knows from experience that if groups get any bigger some people just won’t do work and will instead smoke pot and get felt up in the library archives.

As for the jockey himself, he’s going to be super freaked out because every human being on earth but him will simply be staring blankly forward. There is one exception to this: a kindly Indian man in Brooklyn named Jerry. Jerry, we hope that you do not take this responsibility lightly and that you help our young jockey through this trying time.

As for everyone else, try not to judge him when he masturbates himself to sleep. More people do that than you think. And I would like to say, to all participants, congratulations jockey! Maybe now you’ll be less of a dick to midgets on the bus.