Congratulations Magnet Magnate!

You own a multinational corporation. Woop de shit! Who the fuck doesn’t?

What makes you so special is that your multinational corporation specializes in the creation, transport, storage and distribution of magnets. Fridge magnets, industrial magnets, magnets that go to high school science classes, even electromagnets made out of nails and wire fall under your purview. And you know your business well.

Which is why, today, you’re going to become a super-villain named Magnet Magnate. It’ll come to you after you read this story and realize that, hey, your first name is already Nate so why the fuck not just go with it?

Your first action will be to cut off the supply of magnets to the United States military until they conform to your demands (about five hundred percent of the normal price for magnets they want). They’ll capitulate almost immediately, since this is how military contracts usually work, and you’ll put the money into creating an army of robot soldiers armed with magnetic pulse weapons (something you developed decades ago but kept entirely to yourself so you could do just this at your convenience). Then you’ll get those robot soldiers to place EMPs near the data storage facilities of every major financial organization in the world (which you’ll have located through your conventional magnet business) and threaten to erase those records if major super heroes don’t come out to try and stop you.

This will lead to a brief, unsatisfying fight with Aquaman, which will in turn become a much more satisfying fight with Spiderman. And then rest? Well, that’ll be comic book history.

Congratulations Magnet Magnate!