Congratulations Afro-Centric Murderer!

Some people fight for liberty. Some people fight for justice. Some people fight for their right to party.

You fight for your right to wear a giant afro.

You walk the streets, crowbar in hand, smashing skulls and picking your fro until it looks as amazing as is physically possible. Then you smash some more skulls.

Turns out the cops don’t take kindly to the fact that you brutalize people’s faces, though. They’re totally unconcerned with the fro, but you’re really self-conscious about your hair so you interpret any criticism at all as criticism of your hair, and that means that instead of recognizing that, yes, you are a murderer, you’re going to flip out and say “FUCK YOU PIGS, I AIN’T GONNA STOP WEARING MY FRO!”

You’ll be incarcerated sooner than later, where you will be allowed to retain your fro, but will not have access to any heavy objects or really the outside world. You’ll interpret this as an attempt to both shame you and excise your wonderful, wonderful hair from the world, an injustice which cannot stand.

The rest of the world will disagree, except for one crazy white lady who lives in New York. She’ll fight really, really hard to get you released. But as one of the few people in Philadelphia who belongs in jail, it’ll be a terribly misdirected campaign which will do more to tarnish the notion of activism than it will do to service any kind of justice.

You won’t really care about that. All you’ll care about is your sweet, sweet Fro. We’d say we hope you’re happy with yourself, but we really don’t, and we already know you are. So instead we’ll just say: we hope you acquire the capacity for shame sooner than later.

Congratulations Afro-Centric Murderer!