Congratulations Fanny Pack Thug!

Your target’s car will be right there, parked outside the bar where the snitch told you it would be. That means, or at least should mean, that your target will be inside, in his usual spot, just waiting for you to step inside, ram your gun into his face and then pull the trigger.

Sure enough he’ll be in the corner, talking and laughing to a man you don’t know, a man with a beard. You won’t know him, but he’ll look the way most street-level operators do: like he barely knows his ass from the trigger of a SIG. You won’t pay him any mind. You’ll just walk right up, put your gun to the back of the target’s head and pull the trigger.

“OH SHIT!”the man will shout. The patrons of the bar will scatter and you’ll drop your gun and start to walk away, job done, time to vanish. That’s when the man with the beard will notice something and speak up.

“Is that a fanny pack?” he’ll ask, staring at your waist. You’ll stop in mid step, draw your gun again and stomp back up to him, eyes ablaze.

“It’s the best way to carry my spare clips,” you’ll tell him, flipping your gun’s safety off with your index finger. “Can you think of a better one?”

He’ll pause for a moment, stroking his beard in genuine consideration.

“A bandoleer?”

You’ll shoot him in the knee.

“Bandoleers are conspicuous!” you’ll shout at him, spittle striking his grimacing face.

“So are fanny packs!” he’ll shout back. “I just noticed that one!”

He’ll have you at that, so instead of shooting him in the face the way you usually do with people who criticize your decision to wear a fanny pack, you’ll smile, flip your gun’s safety back on and tuck your piece back in your pants.

“Thank you for your honesty,” you’ll say, nodding as you consider what he’s told you. Then you’ll walk out of the bar, get into the car you stole to drive here and drive off, wondering if there is another, less conspicuous way to carry an extra clip or three, like maybe pockets or something.

Congratulations Fanny Pack Thug!