Congratulations on Watching All Your Plans Go Up In Smoke!

After the robbery, after the guns go quiet and you’re sitting back in your hideout you’ll be sitting perfectly still on your stool, looking at the chaos arrayed on the table in front of you: bills, thrown about on the table, pistol with its barrel still cooling, dye bomb stained bags. You’ll look at your team: the driver, the heavy, the nerd, the chick. All of them will be fine because, TWIST, your entire plan went off without a hitch!

You robbed a Wells Fargo branch in central Indiana in a green Subaru outback you stole from a stranger two towns over without a word or a shot. You did it quick and clean, like you’d all done it before, but you hadn’t. Really, you just watched the movie Heat a bunch and sorted out what they did wrong. They:

A) Didn’t have any ladies along for good luck.

B) Robbed a bank in the middle of a major city.

C) Brought a bunch of assault rifles along for some reason.

D) Used highly recognizable actors to rob a bank.

Based on all these mistakes you robbed a bank with a small, charismatic but unrecognizable group of community theater actors from Northern Wisconsin and, sure enough, it worked out. It helped that they all shared the practical skills that were normally associated with their heist-role archetype. The nerd knew a lot of stuff and had some practical skills as a result of growing up in the Midwest. The chick had boobs, which distracted and comforted a number of bank patrons during the entire affair. The heavy was a pretty big guy who looked scary but was actually quite nice and the driver could drive stick.

You also Googled “how to rob a bank” before doing the whole thing, so you knew to watch for dye bombs, to pack money yourselves and to avoid killing anyone if it was at all possible. You came through on all of those, though it was impossible to resist firing your guns in the air in celebration after you finished packing the money, which did damage the bank’s ceiling and made dust fall all over the bank patrons.

All that’s left is for you to burn the original bank plans and go your separate ways. You won’t ask anyone where they’re headed. That’d break the rules. But you will wish them all good luck and share a beer with them, stepping out of your shed to sit in deck chairs in the backyard and watch your plans literally go up in smoke as they burn in the barbecue pit you dug yourself, ages ago, back before you knew you’d never have to work again.

Congratulations on Watching All Your Plans Go Up In Smoke!