Congratulations on Falling Through That Ice!

Remember that movie The Dead Zone, with Christopher Walken? Where he falls gets into a car accident and almost dies and can then see into the future for brief missives about what is to come, allowing him to predict the future and potentially save hockey teams? No? It’s on USA sometimes, you should watch it. It’s not bad.

Anyhow, that happened to you a while back, and today you’re going to get a chance to save a hockey team from falling through some ice, just like in the movie. Except instead of saving some people and then hearing about a bunch of others dying under the ice, you’re going to try to directly intervene, running on to the ice waving your hands, begging those kids to get off the god damn ice. The ice will give way while hockey players pile on top of you to try and get you to stop ruining their game, and you’ll drown under ice, hammering on the surface and begging for life as it leaves you in one of the most horrible fashions imaginable. Hockey players will be grabbing for your feet to try and haul themselves up, weighed down to the bottom of the frozen lake by their skates. As you lose consciousness you’ll be dimly aware of their movement beneath you.

The downside of all this is that, unlike in that movie, no one will be around to stop crazy president Martin Sheen from launching nukes at Russia (which could still start a nuclear apocalypse, thanks to the Doomsday Device from Doctor Stangelove that it turns out was real) and we’ll all die horribly in the aftermath.

On the upside, you won’t have to deal with it, and your ex-girlfriend’s dick husband will die in a hail of nuclear fire, so you’ll kind of win on that front. Pity about the rest, though.

Congratulations on Falling Through That Ice!