Congratulations Ego Booster!

Today you’re going going to be jet skiing on Lake Michigan, an activity that only an idiot of the highest conceivable caliber would engage in in mid-February. You’re going to be wearing a beer hat and carrying an assault rifle on your back hooting and hollering at the top of your lungs.

After around an hour and a half of doing that you’ll notice a ferry puttering its away across this, your Great Lake du Jour. You’ll also notice a patch of ice that, in your head, will look like a totally sweet ramp. Revving your engine, you’ll drag your jet ski in a languid loop around the side of the lake until you turn in and angle towards the ferry, manipulating your jet ski so that your path will cross the ice along the way.

“WOOOOO!” you’ll scream at the top of your lungs as you gun the engine and floor it, speeding towards the ferry as fast as your little engine can carry you.

You’ll holler like a madman as you speed along, hair slicked back. In your mind you’ll see yourself hitting the ice and turning it into a ramp with the weight of your jet ski, propelling yourself into the air and over the ferry.

In reality you’ll hit the ice and lose control of your jet ski, flipping it end over end and casting you into the water. The force of your impact on to the surface of the water will knock you unconscious, and the cold will start to kill you almost instantly. The crew of the ferry will scramble to rescue you from the freezing water, pulling you out as the passengers chortle at your plight.

Their otherwise miserable commute across the lake will have been lightened by your ridiculous misfortune. Your retardation will have lifted their spirits. And in the end, your brain damage from the cold and lack of oxygen will be minor, so no one will have to feel too bad about it.

Congratulations Ego Booster!