Most of the time when people talk about freeing their minds they mean they’re going to drop acid and see the world in a new light for a while. This does not apply to you. You’re a fat Mormon son of a bitch, and you’ve never been high on a drug in your life (unless an inflated sense of self-worth counts as a drug in which case you are constantly high and really need to cut down).
No, what we mean when we say that your brain is going to be liberated from your skull is that a young woman you’ve been tossed into a pit with will brain you with a seven iron to the cheers of the cannibal horde surrounding you. She’ll then take a bit of your brain and hold most of your gray matter (which will be kind of pink with blood) high to show her supremacy. This day, this kill, will signify her entry into the murderous clans which now control most of Utah. So you’ll have done some good by keeping her from being raped to death by cannibals, even if it was just from being a terrible fighter who was killed by a girl.
Congratulations on the Liberation of Your Brain!
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