Congratulations No Pants McGee!

You think you’re so hot. Beating terrorists at their own game, winning lotteries left and right, bangin’ chicks twice your score. But you know what we can do that you can’t do, No Pants McGee? We can legally approach schools. We can still go into the 7-11 on Belmont. We can ride busses.

Because as big as you think you are with your antics you still can’t go to restaurants you haven’t saved from bombs. You still can’t get into a relationship with someone who isn’t just riding the rush of dating someone who never wears pants. You still can’t go into any non-Unitarian churches.

All because some sort of divine being came down and told you that if you stopped wearing pants you’d be able to fight crime and get laid even though your dick is kind of small and you refuse to work out. So you’ve lived by the creed and endured the horrible lonely nights and the insistence, when invited into private homes, that you sit on plastic. But all you’d have to do to get rid of that feeling is put on some pants and stop acting so fucking special.

Fuck you, asshole.

Congratulations No Pants McGee!