Congratulations Silly Goose!

Today you’re a goose and damned if you aren’t the silliest god damn goose in the whole world.

Back in olden times this would’ve meant that you would be the first goose to be eaten, since your silliness would upset the other geese and make them less flavorful. Some communities would assume that your silliness was actually madness and, as a result, simply drown you to avoid catching madness by consuming your flesh.

But this is a modern world. And that means that instead of being murdered and devoured your silliness is going to be commoditized and prostituted to the highest bidder.

It’ll begin when a Disney executive who has stripped naked and is running back and forth inside of a fountain notices you.

“Huh,” he’ll say, pausing in his play time to note that you seem to be getting laughs from the other geese. “That looks like a pretty funny goose,” he’ll declare to the doll of Michael Eisner he’s crafted from his own body hair. “Let’s offer him a contract.”

He’ll approach you, interrupting the incredible set you’d put together (which consists entirely of croaks and groans), and wave awkwardly.

“Wanna be famous?” he’ll ask.

“HONK!” you’ll respond, because you’re a goose. He’ll take that as an affirmative and starting drawing up papers for your contract. He’ll still be in his underwear as he works, occasionally reaching into his pants and spreading a little bit of poo on the paper to prove that it’s his.

When he’s finished he’ll present you with the contract, which you won’t be able to understand because you’re a goose and you can’t read. But you also make bad decisions because you’re a goose, so you’ll hammer your beak into the page while it’s covered in ink and that’ll count as a signature.

“Pleasure doing business with you!” the Disney executive will say before he starts laughing maniacally.

“HONK!” you’ll reply again, because you’re a goose.

Congratulations Silly Goose!