Congratulations Semaphore Marriage Therapist!

You’ll be standing next to the husband, who will be seated in a beach chair with an umbrella blocking out most of the sun striking him. Your assistant will be standing about a hundred meters away on an identical cliff-top with the wife. His flags will be on the ground, binoculars pressed to his face.

The husband will still be talking.

“I just don’t really know why I cheated. I think it’s because…because I’m afraid of losing her. So I’m just pushing it towards happening. But I see how stupid I was and I just can’t stand the thought of losing the most important person in my life. I don’t know how I can actually show her what I feel.”

You’ll flap the flags wildly, dancing out the letters with your arms. You’ll have trouble keeping up with his words they’ll be spilling out so fast. Halfway through you’ll tell him, a cool, calm voice: “Slow. Down.”

He won’t, really, but you’re a professional. You’ll finish anyway.

When you’re done the two of you will wait in silence. You’ll hand the husband your flags and press the binoculars to your face so you can clearly see your assistant. He’ll be speaking to the wife, briefly, before he begins flapping his flags, spelling out the phrase.

She

says

this

is

stupid

and

she’s

willing

to

talk

to

him

now.

You’ll laugh out loud, let the binoculars hang from your neck and grab your flags from the baffled husband. Then you’ll quickly signal back in the affirmative that you’ve received the message.

“We’re ready for phase two,” you’ll say to the husband, holding both your flags in one hand, offering him the other to stand.

“What does that mean?” he’ll ask, perplexed.

“It means we go back to the office and have a mediated adult discussion now that you two realize how profoundly stupid your communication issues are.”

He’ll open his mouth as if he wants to say something, but he’ll shut it almost immediately. He’ll know you’re right. They all do on one level or another. Sometimes they just need a little semaphore to spell it out for them.

Congratulations Semaphore Marriage Therapist!