Congratulations on Finding All the Mescaline You Thought Went Missing!

When you blacked out and discovered that all the mescaline was missing, you sort of freaked out. You figured it was taken by a rival cartel or something. Maybe a local dealer who wanted to make a big score. You started compiling a list in your head of motherfuckers you’re going to have to run down and shake down before you start knocking heads together.

Then suddenly the world will shift in a subtle way, perception becoming lighter, sharper, harder around the edges. The world will be the world will be the world will be the world without the world. Light will move at odd angles, and the sound of the birds will take on a bluish purple hue, between colors and states.

Then it’ll hit you: all that mescaline when into your tum-tum.

You’ll laugh and punch yourself in the leg for jumping to conclusions, just like you always do. Then you’ll drink as much water as you can and lay down on your back to try and ride out the storm of consciousness that is about to assault your psyche. It won’t be the first time that this has happened, and it won’t be the last, but it will be the best time in that you will just lie on your back in the middle of the Rocky Mountain foothills and will not, as you usually do, beat people with a hammer.

Enjoy the journey your consciousness is about to go on, and try to stop eating so much mescaline. It’s best enjoyed in moderation.

Congratulations on Finding All the Mescaline You Thought Went Missing!