Congratulations on Overspritzing Your Houseplant!

Overwatering is a dangerous and irresponsible thing for a plant owner to do. Case in point:

Today while watering your prized houseplant with a spray bottle you’re going to give it one spritz too many and it’s going to react poorly. Instead of politely ruffling its leaves in a “how dee doo” and turning a little bit greener, it’s gonna rustle a little and then BAM.

Its leaves will frond up and its branches will sprout from gentle, waving leaf receptacles to fearsome lashing vine tentacles in a heartbeat. Instead of whispering its helloes to you it will twine its vines around your neck and groin and start crushing you in the least pleasant way imaginable.

As you suffocate, your last moments will consist of a sense of tremendous pressure and a desire to apologize to your plant. But words will fail you as you lose consciousness and your plant will begin rustling harder and harder, as if it’s laughing, as if it wants you to know just how big a mistake you’ve made. As your consciousness fades the plant will press upon you an image, burning it into your mind, of a word overrun by a single plant which found it within its means to consume not just a little snicky snack of water but ALL the water in the world.

God help us, your hubris has damned the world.

Congratulations on Overspritzing Your Houseplant!