Congratulations President Cat Lady!

Everyone here understands the physics that show us that multiverses are real and unavoidable, right?

Good.

Today we’re in a multiverse and you are the President of the Fucking United States of America. Congratulations, ma’am. But that’s not all. Not only are you president, you are also a dangerously unstable middle aged woman who lives alone and surrounds herself with dozens of feline companions.

You have named each of your cats and, when a cat dies, you find a similar looking cat and give it the same name as the previous cat with an appropriate number behind it. Like, if your obese tabby cat Nermel (named that for the purpose of irony) were to die, you’d get a replacement cat and name it “Nermel II.”

You also have no idea how to speak to people. In this inverted universe, that’s the primary qualified for being president. In this universe, it’s worth noting, George W. Bush was still president, though his election was uncontested.

Your first act as President will be to declare every day cat day. Since creating a new national holiday will actually require congress’ approval and the office of the presidency will largely be a symbolic position occupied by an absurd national figurehead who entertains the nation for four years, this declaration will have no real ramifications.

But your presence in the White House, and your tremendous (200K mother fucker!) presidential salary will give you the space and financial means to support many, many more cats, including your First Feline, Whiskers XIII. This cat, by the way, is not to be confused with Red XIII IV, who is a totally different cat and your Secretary of Defense.

Your reign as president will be prosperous and amusing, thanks largely to your good nature, total mental illness, and Congress’ incongruous 85% approval rating in this other universe.

If we could we’d give up everything to move over there and be with you, but since we can’t we’d just like to say Congratulations President Cat Lady!