Congratulations Angry Anger Management Instructor!

You’re an anger management instructor who is constantly upset about stuff.

“FUCKING BIRDS!” you’ll shout at some geese who are hanging out on the side of the road as you drive by them, slightly early for work.

“I fucking hate being early,” you’ll mumble to yourself as you drive.

After you pull into a parking space right next to the entrance to your anger management clinic you’ll almost lose your shit. “This is way too fucking close to the door,” you’ll say to no one in particular, shaking your head as you walk the ten feet from your car to the door.

After a brief series of tantrums about the office clock being too accurate, your receptionist being too relaxed and the weather being too nice for people to be inside working today you’ll step outside into the Zen garden constructed in a small patio space inside of your office and address the class that sits there, awaiting your instruction.

“LET IT OUT!” you’ll shout at them, hurling glass bottles at your “students” as you swear random, extremely offensive remarks at them. They’ll cower as best they can, trying not to get a face-full of glass as your seemingly endless supply of bottles streams towards them. A handful of them will catch on and charge towards you to start fighting you, but they’ll go down under a stream of bottles.

It’ll be, to hear you describe it later, an elaborate attempt to bring their attention to the futility of their own rage, but your supervisor won’t buy that one bit. He’ll just see it as you having a nervous breakdown after months of being way too tightly wound. He’ll insist that you take a month long paid vacation, which you’ll spend writing up what might best be described as a “crazed manifesto” on the subject of managing anger by releasing it constantly and violently.

Your book will become a best-seller in a few months time, flooding your coffers with cash, but in the interim shit’s gonna be kind hard for you, especially since you are, in a technical and legal sense, a fucking psychopath. Just hang in there, rage-filled kitty.

Congratulations Angry Anger Management Instructor!