Congratulations Lady Mafia!

You’re a group of super hot ladies. So what, says the world? No one’s gonna notice you for having the best gams for very long! Looks fade, but a history of criminal activities stretching across decades, that’ll last. Which is why today, at 4 PM, you and your incredibly fine friends are going to decide to form a Mafia composed entirely of sexy ladies.

“I think we should run protection or something,” Sharon will say, wearing a low cut blouse that shows off the dragon tattoo that winds around her tits while she cleans a nine millimeter handgun.

“I think we should try to move drugs around and stuff, you know?” Karen will say, punctuating the sentence with a snap of her gum. She’ll be on her laptop, writing up a business proposal on how to sell crack most effectively given the current level of police and criminal activity in your neighborhood. She’ll decide a mail order system which utilizes credit cards and is, ostensibly, used to sell pornography is the best way to go about it.

“I think we should murder people,” Melissa will mumble in a way that saturates the entire room. She’ll be swinging a baseball bat while she murmurs, and she’ll look like she’s ready to use it at a moment’s notice. She’ll snort and wiggle her septum piercing like it itches, but it’ll just be what she does when she’s in a killing mood.

“I think we can do it all,” you’ll say as you try to pull your skirt down a little to cover more of your thighs. You’ll give up on that almost immediately, letting your hands wander from your clothes to a pair of brass knuckles on a table in front of you. You’ll put them on your fingers and examine them as if they were fine jewelry, a set of ornate rings. You’ll crunch your fingers around them once, twice, and then smile at the balance.

Two weeks later you’ll have murdered your first rival drug dealer who refused to pay protection. Three weeks later you’ll own the streets of Groveland, Saint Paul with an iron fist. Four weeks later you’ll have moved operations out of your apartment into a small shell house in downtown Minneapolis, purchased in a fake name, paid for entirely in cash. In two months you’ll have your fingers in almost everything that happens south of Northern Minne. Within a year, you’ll control that too.

But today you’re just a bunch of fine ass ladies hanging out, enjoying your sexiness and dreaming up plans, plans that, once they come to fruition, will lead to the formation of one of the sexiest crime families we know of in American history. Enjoy the day together, because ere long you’ll all be justifiably paranoid, and that’ll really impact your friendship, even though it’ll come with a tremendous influx of cash that will, admittedly, dull the pain of intimacy lost.

Congratulations Lady Mafia!