You live far, far north of the arctic circle. You are covered in thick layers of fur and blubber and you have a magnificent pair of tusks. Your name is Wally the Walrus, and you teach us all life lessons.
Today you’re going to be teaching us about peer pressure. An older walrus will try to get you to smoke weed, and you’ll say no. But then you and your girlfriend will do it on your own terms and it’ll be awesome.
It’ll improve sex, food, movies and make the whole world seem better in general. Your girlfriend will want to do it tomorrow but you’ll tell her no, you’d rather it stay a special experience rather than an everyday thing.
She’ll carefully consider your argument and agree with you, realizing that if she were to do it all the time it might become commonplace and less of a wondrous thing in your lives. Then the two of you will bone sober, which will be hilarious for anyone who’s watching, because you’re walruses and there are few things funnier than watching you go at it.
You have so much wisdom to share, my friend.
Congratulations Wally the Walrus!
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