Monday, March 30, 2009

Congratulations to Julia Roberts' Period!

You’re not really a sentient entity, and this isn’t so much about a particular event in your future as it is about what you do and will continue doing until Julia Roberts enters menopause. So we’d like to ask everyone to bear with us today, because while this isn’t a momentous prediction it is an acknowledgement we’d like to hand out.

Once a month, under varying conditions which are for the most part similar you, along with your dear friend PMS, inflict wonderful discomfort upon that infuriating woman and her gargantuan mouth.

You live our dream once a month, that is to say you hurt Julia Roberts. You hurt her so bad she bleeds. We wish we could spend a little time in your shoes, even though you’re just a bodily function and aren’t, in fact, really a thing at all. Just knowing you exist makes us happy.

So everyone here at Sexy Results Future Agency would like to say congratulations to Julia Roberts’ period! Also, could you introduce us? We think she’d really like us.

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