Congratulations on Losing Them!

You’re a cool enough pot dealer, but as a black dude you frequently find yourself fleeing the cops. It would help if you were smarter and didn’t sell on the streets, especially near junior high schools, but lately you’ve been desperate and the money is so good and so easy that it’s been impossible to resist. You also have a lot of roommates, so selling at home would be riskier than you’d like.

So tomorrow afternoon at three fifteen sharp, sure enough, some nerd is going to rat you out and you’re going to be booking it from the cops. They won’t be subtle, pulling up next to you with their lights flashing, so you’ll have a good amount of time to start running.

While the cops in this part of Newark are pretty out of shape, you’re not really much of an athlete yourself. You smoke weed almost constantly and you’re lazy (like most drug dealers) so exercise is antithetical to you. You’ll find yourself outpacing them, but just barely, wildly searching for a place to hide.

After several blocks, the cops still only a few moments behind you, you’ll spy an open basement level window. You’ll try to do a little parkour move through it, but instead of sliding through gracefully you’re going to almost tear your arm out of your socket and lose your jacket up above before dropping six feet from the window to a concrete floor stained with blood.

The cops back on the street will find your jacket, but with no trace they’ll look at each other and nod, assuming you used your mystical powers of pyrokinesis, the same powers that all drug dealers share, to burst into flames. They know you’ll come back again, using those same powers to reform yourself out of base matter.

For the time being, though, they’ll just take the fifteen dollars you have in your jacket pocket as change from buying a sandwich and walk back to the school to hoot at under aged girls.

You, though, you’ll be in a dark basement, surrounded by the scent of sweat and fear. A spotlight will come up on you, blinding you briefly, and you’ll hear a dog’s growl.

You’ll have fallen into an illegal dog-fighting arena, and they’re right in the middle of their mid-day competition. Better think fast!

Oh, and congratulations on losing them. You should exercise more and smoke less if you want to avoid these situations, though.