Congratulations on Being the Richest Tile and Grout Removal Specialist In the Tri State Area!

Your career hasn’t been taking off the way you’d like it to of late. You’ve been apprenticed for some time now to a moderately successful contracting company and you’ve gotten pretty good and ripping up people’s bathroom floors, but it hasn’t proven as satisfying, gratifying, or rewarding, material wise, as you’d hoped.

All that will change today you’re going to receive a call to head to Hoboken to tear up the house of an old mafia crime lord that a well to do Jewish family purchased at police auction. You can only assume that they want to lay down new tile or have one of those fancy wall-to-wall carpet bathrooms you’ve heard so much about.

You’ll be excited because you’ve worked for this family before, and they have a promiscuous daughter who insist on sleeping with anyone her parents have paid to do manual labor in order to punish them for lavishing gifts and attention on her. This will be your first sexual experience in almost seven months, since you last worked with this company, so you’ve been jonesing for some Jew princess of late.

Once you’ve finished sleeping with her (total time eight minutes, thirty six seconds) you’ll begin the monotonous and grueling work of tearing the bathroom up tile by tile. It’ll be a slow day until around halfway through the job when you’ll find a large hollow compartment dug into the floor.

It will be sealed over haphazardly with a piece of plywood and a brick. Underneath these auspicious trappings will be a few handguns and a briefcase. Inside the briefcase will be three million dollars, neatly counted in twenties, just like in the movies.

You’ll start to hyperventilate when you open the case (you’re a bit of a pussy) and it’ll take at least the length of your intercourse before you regain your composure. You’ll grab the case, poke your head in the girl’s room, and mumble something about needing some more tools.

She’ll give you the middle finger and say “Whatever,” indicating that she heard you and will buzz you back in.

You’ll deposit the money on the passenger seat of your van, along with one of the shinier handguns, and throw the other two in the trash. Then you’ll go back inside and continue your backbreaking labor until that bathroom is as tile free as the good lord intended, albeit with a conspicuous hole in the middle of it.

You’ll leave in a hurry, scribbling a note that the hole was there before you arrived and then calling in sick on your drive home. You’ll claim you caught something from that skank daughter and your boss will laugh.

Then you’ll start the delicate process of informing your girlfriend that you’re now a millionaire. She’ll probably flip out and hop your dick, so shower first. After that the two of you can start spending the cash.

Enjoy it while you can, because once you’ve started some mafiosos will figure out what’s going on and track you down, murdering you both with a hammer.

But for the next month and a half congratulations on being the richest tile and grout removal specialist in the tri-state area. Your grandmother would be proud.