You’re the kind of man who lives without fear, striving to entertain and amuse his audience day to day. You live without a thought of the future, for your future is today. And your past is tomorrow. And yesterday is your present. Or something.
Look, we’re usually more articulate around people, but you just do this to us. You make us all baffled, make us think we’re seeing one thing when in fact we’re seeing something completely different. It makes us confused, makes some of us a little horny, some of us feel dumb and some of us just feel for the first time in years. That’s why we’re happy to give you this prediction:
Today you’re going to be in Spain running from the bulls. You’ll feel kinetic and young for the first time in years, the way you used to feel before your wife left you and took that ungrateful shit you call your son and moved to Palo Alto with the man your son now calls “better dad.” Fleeing the bulls you’ll be free for the first time in years.
That is until the bull charges you, piercing your colon with his horn and hurling you upwards. You’ll stare at the bull’s compatriots, charging towards you, and you’ll know fear for the first time since your bitch wife had your best friend serve you papers just because he was the only process server in town. She didn’t even have the courage to show up herself.
You’ll spend your last few seconds of life cursing her name and formulating elaborate revenge plots, and as the bulls near your face you’ll close your eyes, only to be whisked away in a rush of motion, pulled out from under their hooves and hurled bodily into the cheering crowd. There a team of paramedics will rush to assist you, patching your new asshole and assuring you that everything will be alright, except your ass.
You won’t hear them, though. You’ll be taken by the young woman, the street magician, who saved your life as she sashays into the crowd. In that instant you’ll feel her pull, her magnetism, and you’ll know that you have to be like her. The choice will be made for you. There will be no turning back.
Ilea iacta est.
Congratulations Street Magician!
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