Today is the day! The day of the Weirdest Fucking Monstrosity pageant! You’re going to load up in a pickup with your roommate, the minotaur, and drive him on over there, sticking around to watch the festivities.
The convention center will be awash with weird creatures from all walks of life: chimera, hydra, Noh monsters. Totoro, from that one movie, will even be there. And they’ll all be there to enter the pageants which you, as a human woman, will not be attempting to enter.
Unbeknownst to you, however, your roommate, knowing that minotaurs rarely win because they’re quite common (see Steve Sherrill’s excellent book on the topic for additional information) will have put your name on the list. He’ll have mentioned that you play video games. Lots of video games.
The judges will read your entry and toss out all the other applications. They’ll call you to the center stage and announce that you’ve won. As a girl who plays video games you’re the strangest mythological creature of all!
Like, eighty hideous asocial monsters will ask you for your phone number on your way out, but aside from that it’ll be a pretty good day. You’ll have won some sweet prize money and gotten a significant self-esteem boost at a time when you really felt down on yourself.
Congratulations on Winning the Pageant!
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