You have embarrassingly bad taste in television. Just atrocious. Your taste is so bad that, were it to become public knowledge you would be placed in a database whose sole business is making sure people with taste like yours never get laid again. But you can’t stop yourself, even though you know this horrible fate awaits. You just have to keep watching Glee and The Mentalist and all that other shit. It’s like some horrible inner demon compels you.
While there’s really no curing that, there is a way for you to avoid being ostracized for your unmitigated douchebaggery.
See, while the shadowy Organization of Good Taste prevents people like you from procreating by hacking and analyzing your Tivos it takes them a little while to actually acquire the data they need to prove that you didn’t Tivo Maury Povich by accident.
That’s where your hacker buddy Derek comes in. See, Derek is a nice guy. Derek doesn’t judge you. Derek’s kind of a pussy, sure, but he’s good at heart. And he’s willing to help, in exchange for ten thousand dollars.
So one kidney later your Tivo will label all your shows as Charlie Rose, and be completely inaccessible from outside your home, as god intended. Derek will have a sweet new Toyota Camry (2011 model, paid for in cash) and that Russian diplomat’s daughter will be able to live another day. And do more coke, which will help small businesses, specifically your local cocaine dealer.
Congratulations on Fooling Tivo!
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